This thought is raw. The real deal. Thinking back to the night Gage went to Heaven. Hardest night in my life. I shattered to pieces, literally crumbled to the floor. I feel bad thinking back. Why didn't I sing to him or hold him more as it happened? Instead I was wailing. Begging him to stay. Not to go. It was unbearable. The worst agonizing despair. I need to forgive myself though. I'm trying. There's no "right" way to react to the loss of a precious child. My baby. My son. At that moment I wanted to go with him. I couldn't-it wasn't up to me. Don't misunderstand me, it's not that I would choose to leave my girls and my loved ones. Part of me, a piece of my heart went with him. And I wouldn't change that. I always said he could take, have whatever he needed from me. He has evolved. He lives on and so must I. Our love will never end.