Late last night Shelby asked what Christmas would have been like if you were here. I told her we would be complete. And much happier. Losing a child, we lose so many firsts. A future. A lifetime. I'm so thankful we had some "firsts" but I still wish we had so many more. Carrying my sweet love is natural and necessary. It's like breathing. But carrying the pain is so hard. Thank you baby and thank you Lord for giving me the strength to live with this pain. It's gotten manageable. Most of the time. Momma is in a better place than a month ago. We all are. The grief is still running my life. But it's getting better. I'm writing more poetry for you. I look forward to the angel candle lighting up every night. We are a family forever. You are forever loved. It seems like it's been so long but it hasn't. What I'd give to see you and hold you again. Did you send the little butterfly yesterday morning? So many people see butterflies and think of my sweet Gage. I'm posting a picture of a teddy bear with daddy's cap on. I love you so so much.